Some people have compared the belief in environmentalism to a religion. If it is a religion, how does it work?

Most people don’t believe in Priests and Vicars and God any more, but they do want something to believe in.

monbiot as vicar
George Monbiot waves away the Devil Gas and preaches Carbon Reduction Penance

The God of the Greens is “The Earth”.

The Truth of the Green religion is revealed by clever “scientists”. The theologians have special computers which continue to foretell the Apocalypse.

The Devil of the Green religion is a gas. The gas is called carbon dioxide, the Devil Gas.

The Devil Gas is made when human beings do things that makes life better for themselves. It is called the Carbon Footprint.

Hell is the Apocalypse. The Apocalypse used to be called “the mini ice age”, then it was called “global warming”, then when the earth stopped very much warming, it became “climate change”. It might be called something else in the future. This will be decided by the Green theologians.

The Greens crusade against the Devil Gas with Sermons to save us from the Apocalypse.

The Sermons Against The Apocalypse preach Public Penance.

People can perform their Penance by doing more boring things and doing less things that are interesting, fulfilling and fun. This helps people reduce their Carbon Footprint.

The Devil Gas has sympathisers. These people are Heretics and called Deniers. Deniers are hunted down and cast out.

Unlike older religions, there is no redemption for the Green followers, only persistent Penance.

Luckily, the Apocalypse hasn’t happened because lots of Greens are performing Penance.